Making and meeting internet friends

Due to the risk of cross infection is is not advised by the medical profession for people with Cystic Fibrosis to meet up together (one of the plus sides of this was that Ga always got his own room in hospital and hence we had elongated periods of privacy when he was admitted). Therefore the Cystic Fibrosis Trust internet forum for teenagers and adults with CF is very active. The Partner’s forum, not so much, but there was enough activity on there for me to get a positive response when I suggested a CF Partners meet up (there was no infection issue with that!)

Initially 4/5 women were interested in meeting up, and we arranged a mutually convenient date to meet in Covent Garden, London. I booked my Megabus ticket in anticipation. But in the end people dropped out (for valid reasons) and only one other person was coming. Ironically she hadn’t posted on the forum much before so was someone completely new to me. In the few weeks between arranging to meet up and actually doing so we tentatively  progressed to exchanging longer and more detailed emails about ourselves, our men and our lives… and realised we had a lot more in common than just CF!

You know how with some people you just click? You only have to know them for a very short time before you both feel comfortable to completely be yourself and open up your innermost thoughts to them without fear of rejection or misunderstanding? Well through those emails I was beginning to think I’d found such a friendship. We wrote about what books we were reading (she was a bookworm like me), our experiences of working in the NHS whilst being inextricably linked to CF at home (she was a physio), walking holidays we’d been on, the different stages of DIY we were doing in our respective houses. We were surprised to discover that some aspects of her Dan’s CF care and treatment were different to my Ga’s, such as Dan had home IVs already made up, whereas we drew them up ourselves. We compared our men, and discovered they both had similar attitudes, in not really wanting people to know about their illness and not letting it stop them doing what they wanted to do. As we progressed to becoming Facebook friends I discovered photos of them both skiing and she looked at links to Gareth’s Africa photos.

And then the day came to go to London. Even though I was pretty confident I knew she wasn’t some crazy person, I was still glad our first meet up was in a public place and informed Ga of when he should expect to hear from me! As I made the 4 hour journey to Covent Garden I was full of excitement, anticipation and a lot of nerves! I couldn’t sit still as I waited for her to arrive in the pre-arranged restaurant. Even though I knew what she looked like I placed my white scarf distinctly on the table for her to recognise me with. And when she arrived, I was so nervous and self aware I’m sure I jabbered on and on for quite some time!

As we spent more time together we both got over that initial nervousness of the first meeting and talked and talked and talked. We talked as we ordered and ate lunch, as we walked around Covent Garden shops and when we found ourselves sitting on some steps watching the bustling crowds go by. For about 5 hours we didn’t stop talking! There was such a subtle yet immensely significant difference in talking to this woman who just ‘got’ what I was saying and didn’t need the explanations and descriptions of situations and feelings as my other wonderful, but non CF-affiliated friends did. Where her natural responses weren’t instinctively ‘sorry that’s so hard for you’ but without batting an eyelid followed on with her own experience of that very same issue, which would then lead me to remember something else related to that and share that experience with her, and so on and so on. Where in the midst of talking about very serious and difficult situations, we would find humour and laugh about certain aspects of them too. Where we could admit our struggles and deepest fears of the future with each other and not feel so uncomfortable that we needed to change the subject. Where we got to share in how many ways our men were so wonderful, kind, funny and inspiring to us.

From the very beginning my friendship with Mary had a uniquely equal balance to it, one that I found I had been gradually losing with other friends, as I increasingly became the one who was taking more support from them than was giving back. Mary and I gave support, and received support from each other in equal measure. As we left for our prospective long journey’s home (after helping Mary buy thermals for her upcoming walking holiday!) I knew that something fundamentally significant had happened that day, and our friendship was now so strongly glued together that she would be an important and special friend in my future for a very long time to come.

NB And I’m happy to say that 4 years on she still very much is : )